The Confession of JD Vance
It’s late Saturday afternoon and Trump's running mate, a devout conservative Catholic, sneaks off the campaign trail to unburden himself after the debate with Tim Walz
In a confessional in St. Catherine of Sienna Church in Reading, Pennsylvania, a priest slides open the barrier between himself and a penitent with preternaturally blue eyes.
Padre In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti. Please begin.
Vance Nice to hear the Latin. Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been 82 days since my last confession, and I accuse myself of: twisting the truth, ignoring the truth, and evading the truth. Most of all, though, by genuflecting to a false prophet, I have endangered my fellow countrymen and the system of government that keeps us free.
Padre That’s quite a list, my son, but before I can grant you absolution, I need to know more. Let’s start with the instances in which you were not being forthright.
Vance Well, I said that the Department of Homeland Security had lost 320,000 children who came here illegally. That’s not exactly right. Between 2019 and 2023, about 32,000 youngsters who migrated here unaccompanied did not show up for their immigration hearings and then as of this year, some 291,000 children have not yet been told to appear in court or had court dates scheduled.
Padre Hmm. That’s not the worst subversion of the truth that I have ever heard but continue.
Vance I said that Donald Trump had saved Obamacare when it was teetering. You know, Obamacare, the Affordable Care Act.
Padre Yes, I am aware. My late mother had a pre-existing condition and was able to get decent treatment in the two years before she died.
Vance God rest her soul.
Padre Thank you. So, he didn’t prop up Obamacare?
Vance No. He tried hard to destroy it, and he may try again.
Padre As a fabrication, that is considerably more disturbing. What else?
Vance I said illegal migrants are stealing American jobs and lowering wages when there is evidence that the influx of immigrant labor is helping keep the economy strong.
Padre I see. That seems more serious. And what’s this about the business of supporting a false prophet and putting the country at risk.
Vance I refused to concede that Donald Trump lost the 2020 presidential election and instead said he “peacefully gave over power” when, in fact, he sought to subvert the ballot results and incited an violent uprising that led to beatings and deaths.
Padre I think I heard something about that.
Vance And now he’s promising to punish his political enemies if he gets back in office.
Padre Is that it?
Vance Pretty much.
Padre It sounds as though you have made a clean breast of it, and as you know, there can be no true forgiveness if you haven’t. Of course, what you have said is between you and the Almighty Father, but going forward, you must renounce any craven idols, as Jesus told us, and stop spreading falsehoods. The Gospel according to John says: “Know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” You would do well to take that to heart. For your penance, pray for enlightenment every day for the next 30 days, say, until November 6. As you may know, the patron of our parish, Catherine of Sienna was a mystic who dabbled in the divisive politics of her day. You might ask her for guidance. Now please bow your head and say a good act of contrition as I absolve you. And stay safe on the campaign trail — Senator.
Short Takes
Servants of the People
What does true public service look like?
We know what it doesn’t look like. It doesn’t look like an aging ex-reality TV star and real-estate huckster looking to replay the most disastrous presidency in American history and gather unto himself as much power as he can squeeze from an enormous, mesmerized swath of the masses, all the while abetted by simpering politicians, ravenous investment bankers, technology bros and obscenely wealthy acolytes willing to sacrifice the republic for their own ends.
Neither does it look like a career politician who endlessly craved the presidency, did a mixed job when he got there, and then had to be shoved unceremoniously aside by his own party when it became clear to a cyclops with myopia that he couldn’t win re-election and that his candidacy constituted a threat to the continuance of constitutional governance.
What real dedication to the commonweal looks like is Federal Trade Commission Chair Lina Khan, retired General Stanley McChrystal, and former House Representative Liz Cheney.
Khan – young, brilliant, and articulate – can overreach at times, but she is looking out for everyday Americans by taking on powerful corporate interests. If you missed her 60 Minutes interview with the unsinkable Lesley Stahl, it is worth a watch.
McChrystal was the cerebral, hard-as-a-steel-toed-boot military leader — Ranger, Special Forces, Delta Force — who was commanding American troops in Afghanistan when he was summoned back to the White House and dismissed by then-President Barack Obama over a disputed 2010 Rolling Stone article, “The Runaway General.” In it, McChrystal and his inner circle were alleged to have spoken dismissively of Administration officials, including then-Vice President Joe Biden.
That lapse in judgment (by Obama) ended a storied 34-year career. But it didn’t stop McChrystal from endorsing Biden in 2020 — not the man who reportedly wanted to make him Secretary of Defense in 2016. And in a New York Times op-ed on September 26, he made the case for having a person of character in the Oval Office when he said he is voting for Kamala Harris.
In part, McChrystal wrote: “Failures of character, such as those of Richard Nixon and his vice president Spiro Agnew, dishonor and potentially threaten our republic. …Uncritically accepting the thinking of others or being swayed by the roar of social media crowds is a mistake. To turn a blind eye toward or make excuses for weak character from someone we propose to confer awesome power and responsibility on is to abrogate our role as citizens. We will get — and deserve — what we elect.”
Another patriot is, of course, Liz Cheney, who on Thursday campaigned with Harris. Cheney lost her Republican leadership position and House seat after essentially leading the Select Committee investigating the January 6 insurrection. She sacrificed her career in the pursuit of the truth.
The staunch conservative told a crowd in Wisconsin: “Donald Trump was willing to sacrifice our Capitol, to allow law-enforcement officers to be beaten and brutalized in his name, and to violate the law and the Constitution in order to seize power for himself. I don’t care if you are a Democrat or Republican or an independent, that is depravity and we must never become numb to it.”
Bibi’s “Boo!” The October Surprise from Israel
There are a lot of ways to read Israel’s air and ground assault on Hezbollah, which has decapitated the leadership of the militant terror organization and Iranian proxy. One is that it helps Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu cling to the power he holds at the behest of his right-wing political coalition. No surprise there.
The other is more Machiavellian — that he is again attempting to influence an American election.
As Tom Friedman wrote presciently in The New York Times on September 3, a full month before Israel Defense Forces invaded Lebanon: “I would not be surprised if [Netanyahu] actually escalates in Gaza between now and Election Day to make life difficult for the Democrats running for office. …Netanyahu may do this because, I believe, he wants Trump to win and he wants to be able to tell Trump that he helped him win. Netanyahu knows that many in the rising generation of Democrats are hostile to Israel — or at least to the Israel he is creating.”
Well, the escalation wasn’t in Gaza. It was worse that that.
Some 60,000 Israelis living close to the border with Lebanon were evacuated because of relentless rocket attacks by Hezbollah following Hamas’ bloody massacre of October 7, 2023, and the devastation of Gaza that has followed. But that was a year ago. Why did Israel have to blow open a new front a month before the U.S. election?
As The Hill reports today, Democrats like Senator Chris Murphy of Connecticut are worried that Netanyahu is trying to tilt the election to Trump.
No American President has ever been as deeply in Israel’s pocket as Trump. And Biden, betwixt and between on the carnage in Gaza, has been no match for Netanyahu.
But Kamala Harris, might prove to be a steelier benefactor, so why not broaden the Middle East conflict now in case she gets elected — and try to make sure she doesn’t?
Editor’s Note: My Book Report asked for an extension this week
Dump, The Musical
From now until November 5, The Constant Tribune will feature excerpts from a musical about the Election of 2016 and its aftermath. Some scenes include songs from an album available on Spotify.* For previous scenes, see earlier issues of TCT, starting with the newsletter of September 12.
Act One, Scene 10
In a remote corner of The Washington Post newsroom, Du Bois, a geeky junior reporter, raises his hands to the heavens. He jumps up. He sits down. He jumps up. He checks his screen again. He races to the desk of the Politics Editor, a non-nonsense woman with a pencil stuck in her hair bun.
Politics Editor What is it, Du Bois? And why are you running across the newsroom like Sweeney Todd is chasing you?
Du Bois You’ve got to see the video a guy I went to Stanford with sent me. He works for that cable show The Hot Lights. I’m not kidding. Please.
Politics Editor A video of what? Marcy without her makeup? Ted Cruz in lederhosen?
Du Bois Much better! It’s incredible. It’s Dump. It’s a game-changer!
Politics Editor Right. Game-changer. You’re too young to remember John Gotti. They called him the Teflon Don because the feds could never nail his gangster ass. Nothing stuck. Dump is like Gotti. Teflon Ron.
Du Bois This will stick.
Politics Editor Send it to me. I’ll have a look when I’m off deadline.
Du Bois Please, you have to see this now. It’ll only take a minute.
The Politics Editor pushes back her chair muttering and follows Du Bois to his desk.
Politics Editor This better be good or I’m sending your over-educated ass to Metro.
She looks over Du Bois’ shoulder as a video opens on his laptop monitor. It’s Dump and TV host Willie Rush, dressed like bantering burlesque comics.
Dump Why Willie Rush. How you been, how you be?
Willie Rush I’ve been awesome, Mr. Dump. Mind if I call you Ronald, Mr. Dump?
Dump Let’s stick with Mr. Dump, Willie. Gravitas gets more ass.
Willie Rush Haha! So true. Make ‘em think there’s something to you.
Dump Tell me, Willie, what do you like best about the entertainment biz?
Willie Rush The best parts? Of course the tarts.
Dump Right! The little lassies on the make, looking for that first big break. When you have my kind of wealth and my kind of fame, there’s no need for games. They see me and take a knee.
Willie Rush Well said, Mr. Dump, but more quietly. Wouldn’t it be a bitch if someone was listening — or recording this?
Dump No worries, Willie. No need to scare. I could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and no one would care. One of the perks of a billionaire.
Willie Rush I wish I had the money that draws all those honeys.
Dump Let’s go meet one and you just watch, I’ll kiss her on the lips and grab her crotch. Then will do the real skit.
They grab their canes and boaters and exit. The Politics Editor’s mouth is hanging open.
Politics Editor Holy crap! Holy fucking crap! Du Bois, you don’t have to go to Metro.
Reporters and editors gather round Du Bois’s desk. The newsroom sings.
Act One, Scene 11
A glum Dump sits at the head of a long conference table in his campaign’s war room. McGillicuddy, the Fox News commentator, is on video hookup.
Dump I don’t even remember it. Maybe it was dubbed. But even if it’s a fake, I’m screwed. My numbers are dropping faster than Harvey Weinstein’s pants.
McGillicuddy You’ve got to relax. It means they’re scared. The Dems, the GOP old-timers, the fake media — they’re looking for anything that will stop you. It’s part of a plot to turn real Americans against you.
Dump The truth is this is the hardest work I’ve ever done. But they love me at the rallies. Even some of the losers I’ve left in the dust are starting to come around. I was feeling some momentum. Everyone said I had no shot. Dump can never win.
McGillicuddy And you’re doing it on a shoestring. Now Marcy will start spending big on attack ads.
Dump She’s got the cash. Soros, Goldberg, and a bunch of other billionaires are throwing millions at her.
McGillicuddy That’s a problem. There’s money out there, though, you just have to find it. You can’t let it all this go down the drain.
Dump You’re right, Seamus. But it’s not easy.
Act One, Scene 12
Dump flips off the video feed and slumps in his chair. The door opens.
Shrilanka Daddy, there are two people here I’d like you to meet.
Dump Not now, Shri-Shri, I’m trying to figure out how we’re going to find the shekels to keep going.
Shrilanka [Laughs giddily] Smugly and I may have the answer. Smuggles, can you bring Ruth and Colon in?
A tall, odd-looking woman and a porcine, disheveled older man enter.
Shrilanka Daddy, this is Ruth Mercury and Colon Fannon. Ruth’s dad is Reginald Mercury. He’s on the Forbes list with you, though slightly higher up. And Colon is the editor-in-chief of RightFart.
Dump Good to meet you both. How high up is he?
Ruth Higher than Soros. A pleasure to finally meet you.
Dump [Brightening] Please sit down.
Fannon Not to be presumptuous, Mr. Dump, but Ruth and I would like to lay out your path to victory.
*Songs peformed by Tari Kelly and Mike McGowan
TO BE CONTINUED